Every relationship you enter is based on you as an individual and what you bring to the table in that moment as well as the continued time you spend with that person. Relationships vary depending on what you bring to the experience and how your energy interacts with the other person. This is true in every relationship. Our focus now is being a better partner in a romantic relationship. The lines get blurred in this type of relationship as the vulnerability dial gets set on high. We will give you tips to navigate the top 5 things couples fight about and assist you in being a better partner in those situations. We are sharing tips about how you can become a better partner because at the end of the day, you can only control and change You. You can try with all your might to wish your partner was more outgoing, clean, or romantic but your fairy god mother is not going to come down and grant your wish.
"We will give you tips to navigate the top 5 things couples fight about and assist you in being a better partner in those situations."
First Things First
Define what a good partner is to you. Everyone’s definition of being a great partner varies depending on their own experiences, values, and upbringing. Physically write out what your definition of a great partner means to you (on paper or a Word doc). This takes some reflection but a necessary component, so let this definition take a few days of pondering. All relationships start out with building a foundation. Both people come with expectations and baggage. If you are in a relationship, simply comparing your definitions will open your eyes to what each is expecting from each other. This foundational piece is key, whether you are single or been together for 20 years.
If both you and your partner are on board with being the best you can be in the relationship, then it will open the door for betterment all the way around rippling into all areas of your life. Starting with you as the focus here. Let’s look at your own stance on the top 5 things that couples fight about. Free time, money, housework, family/friends, and sex.
Get clear on your money beliefs. How are you with money? Do you share well or do you like to keep your own stash in the sock drawer? Getting clear on truly where your deep-rooted money beliefs sit will change the way you show up in a relationship. Another thing to look at with money; are you recreating your parents’ money cycles? This happens to many couples, one brings the saving habits of their parents whereas the partner comes to the table with spending habits based on “wants” instead of needs. Even a retail therapy addiction could’ve been recreated from mom. A great resource for digging into your money beliefs is in the book "Secrets of a millionaire mind" by T Harv Eker. Go through part one to uncover your own money blueprint. Comparing this with your partner will allow you to have compassion for yourself and your partner moving forward. It uncovers some unconscious sources you bring to the table in your relationship.
Set boundaries around your happy place.
Chores are a sore spot for many couples. Looking at what you enjoy doing or need to have a certain way in your house, car, or work space is very important. Get clear on how you like to live in your home. What makes your head spin, what do you let go unnoticed? Knowing this is important to have clear within a partnership. For some, chores mean resentment and frustration and for others it is a way to de-stress or even feel sane. What cleaning duties are you best at? Are you neurotic about the dishes in the sink? Looking at your history, did you take on chores, but resent them later because that is what your mom taught you or you thought it was a way to nurture your partner? Are you able to ask for help in the chore department even after you have been doing it for years? This becomes a problem after children come into the mix or a more demanding job takes priority. Often, the partner needs help with what they once did but feel obligated to continue because that is what they have been doing. Spend some time looking at what chores you like doing, what you settle with, and what are necessity. As you go down your list, take note of what feelings come up and is it truly your feelings or what was programmed in watching your parents.
Ask yourself the importance of friends and family compared to your partner.
One of the biggest fights couples may have is around the controlling mother or the interfering friend. Taking note of the connections you have with family and friend as well as the beliefs you have about what those relationships should look like in others. Having an open understanding to your partner’s different upbringing and value system will bring light to the differences you have in this department. The competition with a strong mother will take a toll on any partnership. Is your controlling mother a mirror to some of your “organized” qualities. The connection your partner has with you could have stemmed from the comfort in being with someone that is good at taking control and organizing their life. Is there a friend that you may have to cut the cord with because the influence is causing a wedge between you and your partner? Why are you so heavily influenced by this friend’s wise words? Understanding your own beliefs with these tight relationships will help to understand how you work within your romantic relationships as well as looking at your partner’s beliefs. This is not a time or place for judgment but just what the base beliefs are.
Quality time. Couples often fight about how time is spent. It could be how much time is spent at work, on FB, with each other, the kids, friends, or a hobby. Log your own time and where you feel priorities should sit. If you have an internal hustle that is always going, you may feel that your partner’s time watching the game on TV is not well spent. Taking a close look at where each person holds value with their time is very eye opening. This again is no place to judge, but get to the bottom of why and what natural abilities are there. For example, if you have the natural hustle. You have the ability to go, go, go, but your partner may not have that same energy flow and must decompress or refuel their energy. Their choice is the game. If they are happier and relaxed, then you have a better partner. Energetically, your partner may balance your “go, go, go” nature by having the ability to just relax while watching the game.
Handle the Hanky Panky. Sex is another big issue in relationships. Whether you are in a relationship now or looking for one, dig into your own sexual energy. There are multiple factors that change within the relationship causing a decline in the bedroom steam. First, recognizing many relationships have one partner that wants it more than the other which is stemming from an energetic impulse. Which one are you? There are many components that come in here, one being natural drive. Science has shown some have a higher drive than others. It is not related to men vs women, but actual sexual energy. The other big key is to recognize when that flame has dimmed and talk about it with your partner. Let’s be real, after many years together, the fire will dim due to kids, work stress, or health issues. Talking about it will allow you both a platform to understand what is going on in the body and mind. Stress and allotted time throughout the day can be culprits as you move through certain times in your life. Unfortunately sleep may rank higher on the priority list and will always trump your romp in the sack. If this is you, be honest with yourself. Think about setting aside a daytime rendezvous here and there because you have more energy during the day. For some people, the sex drive is linked to feeling supported and taken care of in other areas of the relationship. Take note from the above tips to see if they are hindering your stream (or river) flowing in the bedroom.