Most people in the dating arena are looking for that perfect relationship, but want it to appear out of thin air in a neatly wrapped box with a shiny bow and ribbon attached. Some of the best heaven sent relationships never got a chance to start because we get in the way. Here is a simple list of the 7 things you must consider when it comes to meeting that perfect someone, going on your first dates and scaring the living hell out of them.
- Having a grocery list of things your date must have before you will consider them worthy.
Let’s face it, if either of you were really worthy, you would probably already be in a “polished relationship” bragging to your friends about how great it is. Do some soul searching and really nail down what it is you’re looking for in a partner. I’m not talking about the knight in shining armor or the princess with loaded parents. I’m talking about the real things that matter when it comes to making a relationship work and last. Loyalty, honesty, wants to start a family, makes you laugh, and treats you like your one of the best things that has ever happened.
- Playing a roll or not being yourself.
One of the fastest ways to get your relationship hopeful to run for the hills, is playing the games. You remember these, Wait 3 days to call them back, Don’t answer their calls and seem too available, Never let them reschedule a cancelled date right away, make them wait. I’m sure you have many more that you’ve been told or read about. Why not just be yourself? If you truly know what you want and you’re up front about those things, why play those games. Those games only set the relationship up on a card board square that’s easy to put away and forget about. Be honest and if they can’t follow along with your honesty, find another player.
- “Can you hold my drink while I take a selfie”?
Put your phone away and not on the table next to you. It’s not always about you. We are all connected to social media, but how about putting that on hold and get to know the person you’re sitting across from. I know there are dating rules of having your phone handy just in case you need to get out fast or having your friends ready to give a way out. Let’s try a new approach. Give the person your with a good 45mins (or longer if you don’t have ants in your pants) to make an impression. Then excuse yourself, head to the restroom and really consider how you want to spend the rest of your evening. If they pass your test, consider how you want the date to end (yes, you should know that ahead of time). If they are not worth your time, just head back and be honest. Most people will appreciate the honesty and the time saving. This is also great practice for voicing what you want and sticking to your boundaries.
- Ready to meet their parents and you haven’t ordered drinks yet.
Be patient, the first few months of dating are always the best. If things are going well, even your brain is sending you chemicals faking you into ecstasy. We search for this feeling while we are dating. There are times we get a small hint of this and jump past all of the getting to know you stuff. Stop trying so hard to make the perfect date happen. Just let things progress organically. Also, remember it’s a date not an interrogation.
- Really eager to please.
Remember, you are also being interviewed during the dating process. Not only are you interviewing for an open position, so are they. A huge turn-off is someone who just wants to do whatever you suggest or say. If you want to be in a “Real” lasting, loving relationship, communication is a large part. If you cannot speak for yourself or know what makes you smile and happy. Then take some time to be in a relationship with yourself and get to know what makes your soul sing. If you do not know these things, you are not ready to be in a meaningful relationship.
- Some information should be left unheard.
Use your time in someone else’s space to get to know them. This is not a time to talk about your past relationship failures or triumphs. We all know this is annoying, yet it still happens. Let your date ask the questions they want to know the answers to. If I’m asking you about your interest, I don’t want to hear about how Johnny treated you during your 5 year relationship. Be open, but not wide open.
- It’s my way or the highway.
Having boundaries is a very important thing. Just don’t have so many that you miss out on having an extraordinary time. Boundaries are made to make us feel safe and protected. Many boundaries we set up come from fears of the past that we are projecting into our futures. Be careful with this. The very things that we seek might just be outside of our comfort zone.
I know a lot of this is repetitive and should be common sense, but these are the very things I hear that hold people back from achieving that perfect relationship they are looking for. The best advice I can give someone in the dating arena is to seriously take time away from dating and get to know yourself. What baggage are you carrying around to each relationship? The only common thing in all of your past relationships is “You”! Do you really know what it is you want in a relationship? Set some relationship goals, a few boundaries, and don’t except anything less. This does not mean closing yourself off to new experiences, rather remain open and free, but never lose who you truly are. Remember, it’s supposed to be fun. Happy dating!